A while back, I typed into a search engine, "What are the 5 most controversial topics regarding raising children?" Most of them were obvious to me, a 50+ woman who has raised 4 children and practiced as a pediatric occupational therapist for 30 years. Others, such as this particular topic, would have not even been a consideration when I was in the depths of raising young children.
I'm not sure I have really even put a great amount of thought into this topic until now. However, in the world that we live in, it would be ignorant for me not to recognize that this topic is a hot one for many as family dynamics have considerably changed since the early 2000s. We as a whole have moved to a society where acceptance is longed for by many but not always granted, especially by a generation like my own.
Why would I consider that this is even a topic to discuss? Because my business revolves around playing. Choosing toys and activities for your children may seem like a "no-brainer" for some. But for people like me, carefully choosing tools that address development, create curiosity, and motivate children to learn and challenge themselves is a passion.
Finding a young female with a male "gender-specified" toy was close to impossible.
When I write a blog, I generally collect pictures through either my personal archives (note that cute picture of our son and our niece) or I use an app called Canva in which you can search through their licensed photos, which number in the thousands. Never would I have EVER considered how hard it would be to find pictures that would emphasize the point I intended to make.
And what may that be? Well, first, I, like always, needed to do a little research before I prematurely voiced my opinion.
First off, there is a population that believes their child should not be pigeonholed into a corner by having a typically considered gender specified toy to choose from. Examples of these "traditional" toys may be dolls, trucks, trains, specific dress-up outfits, etc.. Gender "neutral" toys that they pursue for children include building blocks, puzzles, play dough, art supplies, stuffed animals, pretend sets, and outdoor toys.
Do I believe these gender neutral toys are important? YES, VITALLY IMPORTANT! Do I feel they should be the only items to pull out of the toy chest? Not necessarily.
Those in support of gender neutral toys feel that by limiting access to gender specified toys, they will create an environment that encourages individuality, breaks gender stereotypes, avoids early gender biases, and promotes equality, to name a few.
Our family was blessed with 2 boys followed by 2 girls. The house was filled with building blocks, puzzles, trucks, swords, dolls, toy kitchens, you name it. I didn't once consider it to be a problem if our daughter was playing in the mud pushing trucks nor did I get concerned that our son may be teased if he was playing with a doll in our home. But what if we had only had 2 boys? Would I have specifically purchased our son a baby doll to ensure he would have had a way to learn to nurture? What if he had asked for it for his birthday? Would I have thought twice about getting him one? Would I have let him push a stroller through the store pushing his baby doll? Would I have feared judgment from others?
Sadly, I am not so sure I would have. Why would it have mattered what others thought? It wouldn't have. With age comes experience and hopefully the ability to see the "bigger" picture. My opinion about this controversial topic in parenting? Has it evolved? I do believe it has.
I believe that children need to be exposed to a multitude of experiences, personalities, and yes, toys. Do I think quantity beats quality? No. Do I believe you need to support your child in their interests? Yes. Do I believe you can mold a child into what your hopes and goals for them are? No. Not unless you want to create a wall in your relationship and potentially mental health difficulties in the future.
The older I get, the more I realize that your child's passions, goals, and lifestyle choices are just that. Theirs. Do I think these qualities were formed because we allowed (or didn't allow) gender specified toys? No.
Ask any young adult what they would wish from their parent(s) above all. I bet most would say support and acceptance. Because with that follows love and growth.
I do hope and believe that in another 5 years, if I were to search on Canva for a child of either gender to be playing, I would find a mixture of boys and girls playing with all kinds of toys, without fear of judgment, and with a parent next to them supporting their child's interests.
So whether your daughter asks for Thomas the Train for Christmas or your son asks for a dollhouse, I hope you choose to support and nourish your child's interests and goals. In return, the future relationship with your growing child will more likely be positive and nourishing. One thing I can promise you is that a great relationship with your adult child(ren) is the cherry on top for a parent!
I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this at times controversial topic.
-Miss Connie